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Posts tagged ‘not’


25 Little Things A Guy Will Only Do When He’s Just Not That Into You — Thought Catalog

mrhayata1. Ask to meet somewhere, then change the place or back out at the last minute. 2. Act like he’s going in for a kiss, then kiss your cheek in an awkward-friendly type of way. 3. Give you a side-arm or one-arm hug. 4. Make plans with you, but then run 20+ minutes late. 5.…

via 25 Little Things A Guy Will Only Do When He’s Just Not That Into You — Thought Catalog


8 Normal Experiences That Should Not Always Be Labeled a Mental Illness

Don’t Always Label Mental Illness
“What does mental illness look like to you? If you walked by someone on the street, would you be able to detect that they are a sufferer? Many of us would struggle with this because there are so many things that cloak illness such as intelligence, prestige, style, culture, or personality. But what do you think a mental health condition is? How would you define it? Could you define it properly? A mental health condition is typically something that interferes with daily functionality and causes difficulties in every aspect of existence (social, emotional, psychological, and even physiological). Symptoms are so obvious and debilitating some times that school or work and home or community life is difficult. A mental health condition often causes behaviors, thinking patterns, and emotions that interferes with relationships, education/employment, and reality testing. This article will emphasize how important it is to refrain from self-evaluation and quick judgments about mental illness.”


As a result, I have put together a short list that outlines reasons why certain experiences should not be labeled as a mental health condition without careful evaluation:

1. Anxiety

“Life is full of anxiety and it’s a very normal part of existence. Can you think of a time when you were very anxious about life and your future? Some people say “that’s all the time!” For young people, anxiety is typical during early adulthood when college, relationships, and seeking employment are the main stressors in life. Even those of us who are therapists struggle with anxiety. The work we do, the people we see, the world-wide complexities we ponder, and the schedules we have are all a recipe for anxiety. There’s always something to be anxious about such as financial concerns, safety, family, employment, health, your children, your spouse, etc. Life is going to be filled with worry and anxiety. Who said it wouldn’t or shouldn’t be? None of us will escape this. Just because you are anxious does not mean you need medication or a diagnosis. Anxiety only becomes a clinical problem when it is difficult to control and results in psychological symptoms (feeling stressed or fatigued and depressed), behavioral symptoms (neglecting responsibilities or engaging in avoidance or using substances to cope), or physiological symptoms (vomiting, nausea, shaking, muscle spasms, etc). Even if you must reach out to a therapist or doctor, that is okay too!”

  2. Restlessness or hyperactivity: How many times have you heard someone say that “hyperactivity and restlessness means you have ADHD?” How many people have you heard say that your child is “overly hyperactive?” We are in the ADHD-age. Everything from forgetfulness to hyperactive behaviors are all instantly characterized as ADHD. It’s okay to have energy, it’s okay that your child bounces all over the place (he’s a child!), and it’s okay that you are forgetful at times. ADHD-like symptoms only become a problem when, again, it interferes with daily life. If you are forgetting that you left the door to your home unlocked, are so inattentive that you are extremely disorganized, or are so hyperactive that you are offensive to others and cannot slow down your pace, you might indeed have some ADHD symptoms.”

3. Depressed/sad mood: 

Just like with anxiety, depression or low mood is often a normal occurrence in many situations. Life can sometimes hit us hard with unexpected things such as speeding tickets, fines, or fender benders, loss of employment, having to move, or the death of a loved one or severe illness. Depressed mood or sadness is likely to occur during these times and it’s expected to happen. However, depressed mood or sadness that results in loss of appetite, poor sleep patterns, anhedonia or loss of interest in things once enjoyed, substance use, or irritability should be diagnosed as clinical depression. Depression is diagnosed when it interferes with the normal flow of life.”

4. Grief:

 Grief is very complicated. In fact, there are multiple studies on grief and therapy groups providing support to grieving individuals to help us understand what it is and why it is different from depression. There have been major “arguments” in the field of psychiatry/psychology over what grief is and the fear that the DSM will pathologize normal grief. It’s important that we understand that grief does not have a time-frame of when it will disappear. Someone can grieve deep down inside for decades, but this doesn’t mean they are depressed. It will take a meticulous and knowledgeable therapist and psychiatrist to tease depression and normal grief apart. But it is important that I mention that grief can certainly turn into depression.”

5. Rigid beliefs/behaviors: 

As a therapist, I often see parents and families who come to me asking for help for their child or adolescent who “seems to have autism.” When I ask parents to elaborate on the type of “symptoms” they believe characterizes an autism spectrum disorder, I often hear parents say: “Johnny is so rigid and will throw a major tantrum if things change around the house” or “Bobby only wants to play with kids who enjoy what he enjoys.” The reality is that many of us are this way, not just kids with autism. Many of us would only socialize with people who think like we do, view life as we do, and have similar goals. Many of us would also only find pleasure in discussing the things we find most interesting. It’s very difficult for families to tease apart inflexible, autism-like behaviors from normal behaviors. Most kids will only be screened for autism if they show a constellation of symptoms. Inflexible behavior alone is not enough to suspect autism.”

6. Fear:

 “Unfortunately, most parents become very concerned when their child develops a host of irrational fears and often questions a mental health professional about disorders that can highly stigmatize a young person. For example, I’ve had clients in the past who were extremely afraid of animals and would cry, scream, or run at the sight of a small dog or cat. For some parents, this behavior would be alarming, especially if the animal is a family pet or friendly pet. However, it is important to consider the history and temperament of the child. Was the child attacked (or witnessed someone else attached) by an animal? Is the child exposed to animals on a regular basis? Does the child just simply not like small crawling creatures? Is the child high-strung? Could the child have anxiety that increases their fear of animals? Essentially, it’s important to keep an open mind about fear because it doesn’t always mean that an individual has a diagnosable disorder. In fact, fear can be very healthy as it alerts us to what can negatively affect us in our environment.”

7. Reduced interest in social relationships: 

“Some people have struggled their entire life with relationships and get to a place where they don’t want to deal with the stressors that often accompanies a relationship. Some examples include: misunderstandings and arguments, jealousy in romantic relationships, commitment (which can be scary for some people), or sharing. For other people, relationships are extremely important to them but they just can’t seem to make or keep friends. Does this truly mean the person has a psychological problem? Not necessarily. We all have preferences, we all have fears, and we all have challenges. Your challenge may be facing your boss everyday, while someone else’s challenge might be making or keeping friends. If the inability to keep or maintain friendships and other relationships interferes with daily functionality, then the person might want to speak with a therapist to explore whether this truly is a problem.”


8. Difficulty learning certain subjects:

 “Whether you believe it or not, some kids (including adults) struggle with subjects that most of us think all of us should know. For example, many adults struggle with mathematics or grammar. Using numbers and language in daily life is important but many kids struggle and even adults. This doesn’t always mean the person has a learning disorder. In fact, some kids and adults are gifted and require a certain type of teacher, are better in certain subjects than in others, or are simply more technical than academic. There are a variety of things that should be taken into consider such as:”

“How well you were taught in your school or how well the school understands you, socio-economic status, trauma history, frequent relocation of schools, abuse or neglect history, a mental health condition that interferes with concentration, etc.”


To see a professional or not

Everything Matters

daisyIn the west the almighty “professional” is the guru. The educated “expert,” in general, takes on many different guises but we are systematically taught not to trust ourselves and to, instead, submit to the expert opinions of people who do not know us and who, all too often, believe they know far more than they actually do. The party line in mental health care is that we should find a professional for just about everything. What happens if an appropriate professional is not available? The reality on the ground is that is often the case as much as we’d like to think otherwise.

I once wrote this for another post: “my journey to healing from the iatrogenic injury psychiatry imposed upon me has been extremely isolated, by necessity and because there has been NO available professionals with the appropriate skill sets, I’ve had to find my own healing path. This…

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Is it possible to hold all the grief in the world and not get crushed by it?

Great post! I have had to deal with much grief in my life, and I have had to work a lot on my anger management issues, to help get rid of all the grief, hurt, and anger. Thanks for showing that this is a real problem!

Everything Matters

To reframe what we’ve generally  been told about mental anguish and suffering by the mental illness system is a very important part of healing. Psychiatry makes out that the individual is sick. A much more honest as well as empowering way to view much mental anguish is to see ourselves as part of the web of life. Our despair is telling us something very real and valid. We should listen to it and pay attention and learn. Feeling pain is not a weakness, it is a capacity. We can learn to let it fuel us rather than cripple us.

From the Guardian a few days ago an article on the planetary crisis:

Close up of woman cryingGrieving could offer a pathway out of a destructive economic system

More scientific data and superficial behaviour change initiatives won’t help, people need to be engaged at a deep emotional, psychological and spiritual level

Is it possible to…

View original post 1,274 more words


This word ‘generation,’ I do not think it means what you think it means

Family Inequality

The people who make up these things drive me bananas.

NPR launched a new series on “millennials” yesterday, called “New Boom,” with this dramatic declaration: “There are more millennials in America right now than baby boomers — more than 80 million of us.”

The definition NPR gives for this generation is “people born between 1980 and 2000.” And it’s true there are more than 80 million of them. In fact, there are 91 million of them, according to the 2012 American Community Survey data you can get from* That’s OK, though, because there are only 76 million Baby Boomers, so the claim checks out.

But what’s a generation?

The Baby Boom was a demographic event. In 1946, after the end of World War II, the crude birth rate — the number of births per 1,000 population — jumped from 20.4 to 24.1, the biggest one-year change recorded in U.S. history…

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A way to be on this earth and not shy away from the pain

Everything Matters

green earthBy Jen Peer Rich

Wow. Just wow! A wave of gratitude arriving on the shores of a radical earth based faith that is lived, a faith that is in and of itself, nature being natural. Nature engages constantly with itself like this.

I’ll share here that there is this heartbreak in me, a general sadness and despair I feel about many of the issues we face as a collective earth and as a human species. The suffering on this planet often overwhelms me. I sense along with many other animals that whether by natural events or by our own human hands, probably a convergence of both, this earth our home and everything that lives on it is in for massive changes and challenges in the next century and we will need new ways to engage on this planet if we are to make it without devolving into a big ugly…

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10 Infuriating Things NOT to Say to Someone Who Has Bipolar Disorder

What NOT To Say To Some Who is Bipolar

IMG_3298.JPG“If you have bipolar disorder, someone has said at least one of these things to you. If you know someone who has this illness, you may be guilty of saying one or more of them. Hearing them can be painful, infuriating, depressing – even destructive – to your bipolar family member, friend, co-worker or acquaintance. Saying them, I assure you, is NOT going to be helpful.”


Here’s An Example:“You’re just overreacting again.” Well yes, I am. Overreacting is a symptom of bipolar disorder. Hearing harsh words that would be painful to anyone, I may well respond with extreme anger or dark depression. Even a sad movie can make a person with bipolar disorder overreact, and so can a lot of other things. But I’m not “just” overreacting, and it’s not as if I can always take a deep breath and stop it. My illness can make that very difficult.”



Why You Should Share The Positive, Not The Negative (Especially On Social Media)






How Not to Let Stress Ruin Your Sex Life



SexandStress Photo Via Fox News Magazine

For many people, once the stress shows, the sex goes. In fact, stress is the number one reason that couples stop having sex.

And this can wreak havoc on your relationship.

“[Stress] can cause major rifts in relationships, from low tolerance for your partner’s behaviors to massive arguments when physical and emotional needs aren’t being met,” says author and stress management speaker Kristen Brown.

Not sure if stress is to blame for your loss of libido? Check your symptoms:

Feeling extra irritable? You may find yourself shorter with your significant other and less able to rely on the relationship for comfort, says sex therapist Dr. Tammy Nelson. It may seem like every little thing your partner does has a huge impact on your attitude, causing the both of you to argue.

Can’t get turned on? “When women are stressed, their oxytocin levels are…

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7 Ways To Not Get Over Someone









IMG_2900.JPG“Old Boyfriend Tee”


To Be Or Not To Be…Naked for Yoga

Naked YogaIMG_2655.JPG

IMG_2660.JPG“Naked yoga is the practice of yoga without clothes. The practice is gaining popularity, notably in western societies that have more familiarity with social nudity. While many practice naked yoga at home, there are a growing number of participants in group classes. It is becoming popular in Europe and United States.”



IMG_2656.JPG“Whether you are yourself a practitioner of Naked Yoga or not, we do hope all our readers enjoy the read! Our ‘Is Yoga Sexy’ series is back with a stunning look at Naked Yoga…”



7 Things A Woman Is Never Responsible For





How To Stay Focused, Not Distracted

What To Do About Being Distracted


People everywhere seem to be experiencing an epidemic of overwhelm at work. I believe it’s a function of two things. Firstly it’s the amount of information we now process, which our brain may not be used to.



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